I just came back from my first NDP Parade training……was fine there and I am seriously shagged and well depressed since the spec course phase 1

Spec course phase 1 was a 4 day camp, I was appointed as the S4 OIC. I was kind of glad and well excited to take up the job at first. HA….I thought S4 was like as easy as last year spec course when I was doing s4 job back then. But the 4 day taught lots of thing and stuffs. Firstly, I have one guy called khairul who did not come for spec course despite signing up. I have 2 CLTS who was initially in S4; well they got transferred to S3 job, platoon stuff. So I was left with a total of 4 CLTS including me.

First day morning
Hikam left for school, shukri had to temporary help out with s3 job. So it left me and Kent doing the s4 job. Ha I was doing all the stuff with kent, separating myself from in there is a need doing all the logistics stuff. 2 people, doing so many job, yet the feedback during debrief was disappointing, well they said s4 needs to be more efficiently. Despite us making our effort to get things done, the feed back was we have to do things fast and prioritize which is more important to be done……HAHA first day comments by OIC was kind of negative. FINE SO I HAD A DEBRIEF WITH MY S4, everything will be better for the second day.

Second day
Everything was fine, no comments. We did our part and I was satisfied with everything. We did our job well, and OIC had acknowledged it too, that’s great too. HA, the only thing I was very shocked was that a CLT came out of nowhere he volunteered himself to replace shen an, well he flew airplane also in the end, well he was instead transferred to help my s4 team. It does not really matter seems the 4 of us in s4 can help each other then.

Third day
My team had a meeting with DC, which turn out to be misunderstanding. What we meant overwork was during the first day only, which caused so many misunderstandings

Fourth day
I was deeply hurt not by others by myself. I was overly helpful which in turn become something ignorant, and I made a stupid yet unintentional mistakes. Many people misunderstood me. Well then I was like trying to speak up for my cadets for OOC, not because that I am biased but well I think they have the potential. But every1 shoots me that I should not interfere since I am a S4 and I have no right to interfere. I can be partially true, but I do observe cadets at the same time, well I guess i was wrong and my fault .
To all CLTS whom I have offended and made you unhappy with my action, I am very sorry


NDP sat training
Everything turns out fine until in the bus where, all my CLT mates seriously hurt me deeply emotionally. Well making fun of me is a norm, BUT it was so bad that I was deeply humiliated in the bus in front of so many cadets right in the bus. No one really understands my feeling backs then, well I guess I was kind of wrong or irritating during the afternoon, I said thing that seems rubbishy to them like “girls wipe yr sweat”, and giving command when I forgotten that Alvin was giving it already.Bbut I did not really expect myself to be hurt so badly. I guess I am just like my cadets, I tend to see word and comments so seriously. I need to learn hw to overcome it. But seriously, I was deeply hurt that time, it’s just that no one notices it, except some clts whom they know me better.

lastly, i do not know why but when the moment at the last part at the bus reaching tampines, i was assuming everone will be happy and do not say thing that is negative, but every1 just pointed at me and said "KAO PEI" well, the moment was reall so bad, i was shocked and deeply stunt, my days was ruined because of the 2 word, i do ot know why but it was like a flash and my heart was broken up into 2pieces. Especially a senior whom i look so up upon, she was a CLT even when i was a cadet, then the way she said deeply hurt me. i dunno y but then it's like i always look up upon her and respect her. But just now when she pointed at me saying the Kp word made a deep hole in my heart. Some clts told me it was just a joke, well i know i t may or could ne a joke. I had never felt so hurt before. A reason i myself cannot find.

lord you are my best buddy, help me guide, i will always remeber what u said in isaiah 41:13 help me guide me groom me, for i am your servant who is now crying out my hearts to you.


p.s oo b4 i foget, well i will like to congrtualte BV BOYS AND GIRLS (PART C) . I am so proud of you all. In fact yr cohort has done better than your seniors. Just wanna say congratulations to
Gabriel
Fairul
Darizuwan
for being nominated for best cadets
It does not matter if you never got it, but you have done our school proud....
All the best guys and girls

|*||*| Listen to my song |*||*| 9:11:00 PM

[[[[[[[[+]]]]]]]]